“Why I am a Jew” – Reflections on Adopting Judaism

June 9, 2010 · Filed Under Lifecycle 

“Why I am Jew”

by Ben Zion “Bob” Van Sickel

I’d like to share with you a story about my adoption of Judaism.  Perhaps my saga may provide some guidance or insight to others considering such a path, to inter-married couples, or to parents trying to decide whether to raise their children as Jews.

I was not raised in any religious tradition at all.  Rabbi Laura Baum said something to me once, to the effect that she preferred the term adoption of Judaism, rather than conversion.  I really like this formulation, since becoming Jewish did not entail me “leaving something else.”  Other than a born skeptic, I was never anything to begin with.

My parents could best be described as agnostic, and I never attended any church services as a child.  We, of course, celebrated the American national holidays of Christmas and Easter, although in a completely secular manner.  However, as a teenager and young adult I developed a strong interest in spirituality and ethics, and began to study various world religions.  Although at that time I did not have many Jewish friends, Judaism appealed to me almost immediately.  When in college, I took courses in comparative religions and the philosophy of religion, and my interest in Jewish culture, history, and theology became stronger still.

I was attracted to Judaism in my teens for a variety of reasons.  This was in the late 60s/early 70s, and it appeared to me that Judaism did not require one to check his intellect at the door of the synagogue.  Jews didn’t cross picket lines, they supported the Civil Rights movement and they seemed to realize that persecution anywhere was never far removed from their own historical experience.  Jews didn’t seem to merely take pity on the downtrodden – they actually seemed to identify with them, and to perhaps even do something about the problem.

Judaism appeared to me to not just encourage a life of the mind and of continuous questioning, but to require it.  I also experienced an instinctive love for Jewish history, art, literature, music, food, Israel, and especially Jewish comedy.

During this period, it was fashionable to explore Eastern religions, and I dutifully did so.  And while this may sound simplistic, these religions seemed to want their followers to disengage from the real world, while Judaism appeared to do the opposite – to actively engage in the world and try to improve it.

It has been said that some people slowly “evolve” into a Jewish identity.  Some, upon entering a synagogue for the first time, instinctively know that they are “home.”  Twenty-five years ago, I found myself in the second category.

I was married for 23 years to a secular Jewish woman.  My two children (now ages 21 and 18) were raised as Jews, mostly due to my efforts.  During their childhoods, I put a great deal of effort into giving them strong Jewish identities, and this involved me learning as much as I could about Jewish religion, culture, and history.  I attended services at many different synagogues, even belonging to two congregations at different times.  And although my children ended up being Hebrew school dropouts, for the past two and a half decades the only religious holidays that we have observed have been Jewish holidays.  I explored the possibility of converting on more than one occasion, but received little support or encouragement.  I also experienced a good deal of resistance from some of the rabbis with whom I spoke.

I divorced in 2005, and shortly thereafter became involved with another Jewish woman.  She and I are not conventionally “religious,” but her strong Jewish ethnic and cultural identity, and especially her encouragement, reignited my desire to convert.  I also came to believe that, with my children living in Indiana, and their mother remarried to a gentile, the only hope of my kids maintaining a strong Jewish identity lay with me.

About this time, I discovered OurJewishCommunity.org.  I was also in the middle of one of my periodically intense episodes of Judaic study, and when I contacted Rabbi Laura Baum, we immediately had the most satisfying conversation.  Previously, when I had spoken to rabbis about converting, their first question was invariably “What are your feelings about God?”  Geez, I would think, can’t we start with a little more accessible topic?  In the beginning of my first conversation with Rabbi Baum, I told her that I wasn’t sure that I even believed in God.  She said that she didn’t consider this an insurmountable obstacle.  What a refreshing response.

We then embarked on a plan of study that involved telephone calls, emails, and me writing essays in response to things that we discussed.  We developed a reading list together (I had already amassed a fairly substantial Jewish library). The books of Anita Diamant were particularly helpful.  After a number of months, Rabbi Baum said that she thought I was ready to come to Cincinnati and sit for my Beit Din [session where I am questioned by rabbis], along with Rabbi Robert Barr of Congregation Beth Adam.  Of course, I immediately freaked out, but she assured me that I was ready.  I took great solace from something Diamant had written – When people ask you if you speak Hebrew, tell them “not yet.”  When people ask you if you know some obscure part of the Torah, tell them “not yet.”

So, on August 5, 2009, I drove to Cincinnati.  Far from being a stressful ordeal, my Beit Din was a completely satisfying experience.

Several months have now passed, and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.  I consider Rabbi Baum to be “my” rabbi, OurJewishCommunity.org to be my congregation, and Humanistic Judaism to be my creed.  I continue to identify with a unattributed old saying that “being Jewish is the best way to be a human being.”

So finally then, why am I a Jew?

I am a Jew because Judaism does not seek to escape this world, but rather to engage with it and improve upon it.

I am a Jew because the measure of one’s life is not in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.

I am a Jew because one’s life should not have made a difference merely for oneself, but for others.

I am a Jew because of Louis Brandeis, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, Emma Goldman, Groucho Marx, Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen, Abbie Hoffman, Jon Stewart, David Grisman, Andy Statman, Bela Fleck, and Sandy Koufax.  I want to count myself among this group.

I am a Jew because of Lauren Kehr, Stephanie Downing, Bill and Anita Kaplan, Freyda Chalett, Eli Aaron Van Sickel, Naomi Leah Van Sickel, and Rabbis Laura Baum and Robert Barr.

I am a Jew because Judaism is both one of the oldest, and yet will always remain one of the “newest,” and the most renewable, of all the worlds’ cultural and faith traditions.

I’m a Jew despite some bizarre, even funny reactions from Christians, Agnostics, Atheists, and other skeptics.  Nevertheless, the overwhelming response of other Jews has been one of joy and welcoming.  Among non-Jews, responses have ranged from, “Oh really, what made you want to do that?” Or, “That’s interesting – did you do it because of a significant other?” Some greeted me with immediate tirades against Israel, while others offered a diffuse sort of bewilderment.  Still others instantly assumed that I could now answer any question they might have about the “Old Testament.”  I’ve also been asked if I am a Jew for Jesus, and if I realize that the Messiah has already been here.  Ironically, I am a college professor, and some of these reactions have come from pretty (otherwise) highly educated people.  I find these various reactions more amusing than anything else.  Having come to this place over a period of many years, I feel tremendously secure in the Jewish community.

So, that is a bit of my story.  I hope that it starts or continues some interesting discussions here on OurJewishCommunity.org.

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Comments

2 Responses to ““Why I am a Jew” – Reflections on Adopting Judaism”

  1. Pj Suttle Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    “I am a Jew because the measure of ones’ life is not in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.” That quote truly hits the proverbial nail on the head!

    ~Mazel~

  2. Kristen Jarrett Says:
    June 10th, 2010 at 1:59 pm

    I too am wanting to adopt Judaism I have been studying for 5 years now and I am in love with traditions,culture, and life style. I am atleast a two hours drive from a Synagogue and have no way of converting. But your blog has encouraged me to find a way to make Judaism my life since I do feel at “home” while studying it and making rare synagogue visits.

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