Oy! Conservative Judaism wants to Separate Non-Jews from Jews in Cemeteries

June 15, 2010 · Filed Under Baum's Blog · 3 Comments 

Sometimes a decision by part of the organized Jewish community really upsets me.  Really, really upsets me.

I just read an article in the Forward called “Cemeteries are becoming new Challenges for Interfaith Families.” Oy, I thought to myself.  Has the Jewish community, which has often made non-Jewish partners in interfaith families feel excluded, made a decision to further exclude non-Jewish family members, even after death?!  It couldn’t be.  But, oh yes, it is.

Conservative Judaism’s rabbinical association has made a decision that there need to be four amot between plots of Jews and plots of non-Jews.  What the heck are amot?! you ask.  Indeed, it’s a good question.  It’s a biblical measurement that relates to the length of a man’s arm.  Even the system of measurement for the law is outdated.  And so is the law.

We live in the 21st century.  Jews marry non-Jews.  It’s a reality.  Why anyone would choose to make blanket exclusions of non-Jewish partners is beyond my imagination.  Many non-Jewish family members are active participants in their family’s Jewish experience.  Many times I have seen non-Jewish parents schlep their kids to Religious School and Bar and Bat Mitzvah lessons with enthusiasm and interest, sometimes even more than the Jewish parent.

The article in the Forward has a lot of quotes.  Some of which I agree with, and some of which make me cringe.

Rabbi Andy Bachman said that the decision “ended up creating a very similar feeling of segregation that interfaith families often feel inside communities when they’re living.”  Bingo!

According to the article, the ban on mixed burial is based on the 11th century sage Rashi’s interpretation of a phrase in the Talmud (Jewish text codified around 500 CE).  Okay, so even if Rashi thought there should be a ban, that doesn’t suggest to me that we should have one today – considering we live in a completely different world, 10 centuries later.  Also, the article says that later scholars said Rashi’s insistence on separate graves was an extrapolation of something in the Talmud banning burial of the “wicked” beside the “righteous.”  In this scheme, the non-Jews were the “wicked.”  That’s a pretty upsetting concept and not something I would want to perpetuate.

The article goes on to quote Rabbi Moshe Tendler, a Modern Orthodox rabbi who says “We don’t bury Jews with non-Jews because we don’t have a social relationship with them.”  We don’t?!?  My goodness, that would be a limited world to only interact with other Jews.  Many Jews interact with non-Jews.  Those are the facts, Rabbi.

Not only quoting rabbis, the article also quotes the president of a 100 year old cemetery who says he is hesitant to change rules for fear he may have to change them again.  Laziness?  Also, while he understands arguments for mixed burial he says “but we have an institution.”

To the extent that the organized Jewish world is intent on inflexibly preserving “institutions” as they are, on keeping Jews living their lives separately from non-Jews, and on following laws that were established centuries ago without considering adaptation to today, I am very very concerned about the future of Judaism.

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Shavuot and Conversion to Judaism

June 9, 2010 · Filed Under Baum's Blog · 1 Comment 

Shavuot, Ruth, and Conversion to Judaism

A few weeks ago the Jewish calendar brought us to the holiday of Shavuot.  Shavuot is one of the three pilgrimage festivals (Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot), though it is certainly not as widely celebrated as Passover.  Often, for those who celebrate Shavuot it elicits connection to confirmation services, eating dairy, and talking about conversion.  Why conversion?  On Shavuot, the biblical reading assigned for the holiday is from the book of Ruth.

There are many explanations for why Ruth is read on Shavuot.  It may be because the legend says Ruth was an ancestor of King David and according to tradition, David died on Shavuot.  Or it may be that the story of Ruth is set during the harvest season, which Shavuot celebrates.

Regardless, the reading of Ruth it is.  And Ruth is celebrated as a convert to Judaism.  Though Ruth was Moabite, after her husband died she decided to follow the religion of her mother-in-law and said “Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there will I be buried.”

Thus, the connection between Shavuot and conversion.  Here at our online synagogue (OurJewishCommunity.org) and our bricks-and-mortar synagogue (Congregation Beth Adam), Rabbi Barr and I actually prefer the term “adoption” of Judaism rather than “conversion” to Judaism.  We think about the decision to become Jewish as the person adopting Judaism and the Jewish community adopting them.

One of the privileges of being a rabbi is that I get to work with lots of different people, including people who choose Judaism.  In 2008, I first heard from Bob Van Sickel who was interesting in converting to Judaism.  Over several months, Bob and I had several conversations on the phone and online.  He had studied quite a bit of Judaism, participated in the Jewish calendar, and knew a lot of Jews.  While Bob had thought about converting for some time, it was when he found our online synagogue that he really decided to move forward.

When we built our online synagogue, we wanted it to offer everything a brick-and-mortar synagogue would.  We didn’t know exactly how that would work, but we knew we could make it work.  And sure enough, Bob’s first emails to me raised the question of how we would and could interact with those who wanted to adopt Judaism.

The first step was for me and Bob to have some conversations to find out if we were a good match for each other.  Once we did that, Bob and I developed a plan that would help him meet his goals and in which I would feel comfortable with his exposure to Judaism.  We worked closely together for several months, and eventually culminated with his formal adoption of Judaism.

I will likely write more about this experience in the coming weeks, but for now, please read Bob’s fabulous essay “Why I am a Jew.”

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“Why I am a Jew” – Reflections on Adopting Judaism

June 9, 2010 · Filed Under Lifecycle · 2 Comments 

“Why I am Jew”

by Ben Zion “Bob” Van Sickel

I’d like to share with you a story about my adoption of Judaism.  Perhaps my saga may provide some guidance or insight to others considering such a path, to inter-married couples, or to parents trying to decide whether to raise their children as Jews.

I was not raised in any religious tradition at all.  Rabbi Laura Baum said something to me once, to the effect that she preferred the term adoption of Judaism, rather than conversion.  I really like this formulation, since becoming Jewish did not entail me “leaving something else.”  Other than a born skeptic, I was never anything to begin with.

My parents could best be described as agnostic, and I never attended any church services as a child.  We, of course, celebrated the American national holidays of Christmas and Easter, although in a completely secular manner.  However, as a teenager and young adult I developed a strong interest in spirituality and ethics, and began to study various world religions.  Although at that time I did not have many Jewish friends, Judaism appealed to me almost immediately.  When in college, I took courses in comparative religions and the philosophy of religion, and my interest in Jewish culture, history, and theology became stronger still.

I was attracted to Judaism in my teens for a variety of reasons.  This was in the late 60s/early 70s, and it appeared to me that Judaism did not require one to check his intellect at the door of the synagogue.  Jews didn’t cross picket lines, they supported the Civil Rights movement and they seemed to realize that persecution anywhere was never far removed from their own historical experience.  Jews didn’t seem to merely take pity on the downtrodden – they actually seemed to identify with them, and to perhaps even do something about the problem.

Judaism appeared to me to not just encourage a life of the mind and of continuous questioning, but to require it.  I also experienced an instinctive love for Jewish history, art, literature, music, food, Israel, and especially Jewish comedy.

During this period, it was fashionable to explore Eastern religions, and I dutifully did so.  And while this may sound simplistic, these religions seemed to want their followers to disengage from the real world, while Judaism appeared to do the opposite – to actively engage in the world and try to improve it.

It has been said that some people slowly “evolve” into a Jewish identity.  Some, upon entering a synagogue for the first time, instinctively know that they are “home.”  Twenty-five years ago, I found myself in the second category.

I was married for 23 years to a secular Jewish woman.  My two children (now ages 21 and 18) were raised as Jews, mostly due to my efforts.  During their childhoods, I put a great deal of effort into giving them strong Jewish identities, and this involved me learning as much as I could about Jewish religion, culture, and history.  I attended services at many different synagogues, even belonging to two congregations at different times.  And although my children ended up being Hebrew school dropouts, for the past two and a half decades the only religious holidays that we have observed have been Jewish holidays.  I explored the possibility of converting on more than one occasion, but received little support or encouragement.  I also experienced a good deal of resistance from some of the rabbis with whom I spoke.

I divorced in 2005, and shortly thereafter became involved with another Jewish woman.  She and I are not conventionally “religious,” but her strong Jewish ethnic and cultural identity, and especially her encouragement, reignited my desire to convert.  I also came to believe that, with my children living in Indiana, and their mother remarried to a gentile, the only hope of my kids maintaining a strong Jewish identity lay with me.

About this time, I discovered OurJewishCommunity.org.  I was also in the middle of one of my periodically intense episodes of Judaic study, and when I contacted Rabbi Laura Baum, we immediately had the most satisfying conversation.  Previously, when I had spoken to rabbis about converting, their first question was invariably “What are your feelings about God?”  Geez, I would think, can’t we start with a little more accessible topic?  In the beginning of my first conversation with Rabbi Baum, I told her that I wasn’t sure that I even believed in God.  She said that she didn’t consider this an insurmountable obstacle.  What a refreshing response.

We then embarked on a plan of study that involved telephone calls, emails, and me writing essays in response to things that we discussed.  We developed a reading list together (I had already amassed a fairly substantial Jewish library). The books of Anita Diamant were particularly helpful.  After a number of months, Rabbi Baum said that she thought I was ready to come to Cincinnati and sit for my Beit Din [session where I am questioned by rabbis], along with Rabbi Robert Barr of Congregation Beth Adam.  Of course, I immediately freaked out, but she assured me that I was ready.  I took great solace from something Diamant had written – When people ask you if you speak Hebrew, tell them “not yet.”  When people ask you if you know some obscure part of the Torah, tell them “not yet.”

So, on August 5, 2009, I drove to Cincinnati.  Far from being a stressful ordeal, my Beit Din was a completely satisfying experience.

Several months have now passed, and I couldn’t be happier with my decision.  I consider Rabbi Baum to be “my” rabbi, OurJewishCommunity.org to be my congregation, and Humanistic Judaism to be my creed.  I continue to identify with a unattributed old saying that “being Jewish is the best way to be a human being.”

So finally then, why am I a Jew?

I am a Jew because Judaism does not seek to escape this world, but rather to engage with it and improve upon it.

I am a Jew because the measure of one’s life is not in what you accumulate, but in what you give away.

I am a Jew because one’s life should not have made a difference merely for oneself, but for others.

I am a Jew because of Louis Brandeis, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, Emma Goldman, Groucho Marx, Lenny Bruce, Woody Allen, Abbie Hoffman, Jon Stewart, David Grisman, Andy Statman, Bela Fleck, and Sandy Koufax.  I want to count myself among this group.

I am a Jew because of Lauren Kehr, Stephanie Downing, Bill and Anita Kaplan, Freyda Chalett, Eli Aaron Van Sickel, Naomi Leah Van Sickel, and Rabbis Laura Baum and Robert Barr.

I am a Jew because Judaism is both one of the oldest, and yet will always remain one of the “newest,” and the most renewable, of all the worlds’ cultural and faith traditions.

I’m a Jew despite some bizarre, even funny reactions from Christians, Agnostics, Atheists, and other skeptics.  Nevertheless, the overwhelming response of other Jews has been one of joy and welcoming.  Among non-Jews, responses have ranged from, “Oh really, what made you want to do that?” Or, “That’s interesting – did you do it because of a significant other?” Some greeted me with immediate tirades against Israel, while others offered a diffuse sort of bewilderment.  Still others instantly assumed that I could now answer any question they might have about the “Old Testament.”  I’ve also been asked if I am a Jew for Jesus, and if I realize that the Messiah has already been here.  Ironically, I am a college professor, and some of these reactions have come from pretty (otherwise) highly educated people.  I find these various reactions more amusing than anything else.  Having come to this place over a period of many years, I feel tremendously secure in the Jewish community.

So, that is a bit of my story.  I hope that it starts or continues some interesting discussions here on OurJewishCommunity.org.

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Jewish Memorial Archives

June 8, 2010 · Filed Under Baum's Blog · 1 Comment 

Creating a Memorial for your Loved One Online

This is a guest blog from Rabbi Robert B. Barr:

When my father died several years ago, my family, like families everywhere gathered together to mourn and remember him.   As is typical, we shared memories, looked at old photographs, and listened to my father’s old friends tell stories that we had never heard.  In the process, I saw photos I had never seen before, heard stories that I did not know, and read documents and old letters that were “stored” in boxes for years.  This process of discovery added depth and texture to what I knew about my Dad.

Of particular interest to me were the years my father served as a dentist during World War II.  Though as a child I remember wearing my father’s old Navy issue shirts, it is a time in his life he didn’t speak about frequently.  Fortunately through my brother’s research he discovered various websites and a cache of material about the ship on which my father served – the LST 464, an unmarked first-aid ship that served with distinction in the Philippines and Leyte Gulf.

Now, years later, the stories, photos, and documents are either part of our memories or stored once again in boxes in my brother’s basement.  It occurred to me that with the advent of technology there should be a better way to store this information so it doesn’t get lost or forgotten over the years.  There is, and Congregation Beth Adam and OurJewishCommunity.org are working with a company based in Cincinnati, Making Everlasting Memories (MeM), which specializes in exactly this – creating a site that allows families to interact and store such information in one place.   Some of the materials can be made available to all, while other materials can be hidden from public view and password protected.

Working with my family, we have begun creating such a site for my father, Julius S. Barr.  You can see my father’s memorial page on OurJewishCommunity.org located in the Memorial Archives.  My goal is that we will continue to add materials to the site, both public and private, so that my children and their children will continue to have access to these materials and the memories associated with them.   Also, I realize that as years pass the stories about other family members will be added as well.

I believe offering this opportunity to  those associated with OurJewishCommunity.org is a powerful vehicle for remembering and sharing within a community.  If you are interested in creating such a site for your relatives you can learn more about it here.  There you will learn about how the site is maintained, its capabilities, and the costs associated with it.  We’ve established the Memorial Archives on OurJewishCommunity.org recognizing that many families are scattered throughout the world and look for ways in which to connect.

Memory has always been an important part of Judaism. I believe that our Memorial Archive is a wonderful blend of tradition and technology.  This allows us to share memories (whether captured in words, pictures, or archival documents) with those near and far and even across the generations.   Providing such a service at our online synagogue  is one more way we are creating a Jewish experience for the 21st century.

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Helen Thomas Retirement

June 7, 2010 · Filed Under Baum's Blog · 7 Comments 

Helen Thomas, Dean of the White House Press Corps, has announced her retirement today.  Unfortunately, it is around very sad circumstances.

A few days ago, Helen Thomas stated on video that Israelis should “get the hell out of Palestine” and “go home” to places like Poland, Germany, and America.

A nice open letter in the Jerusalem Post seeks to remind Helen Thomas that 6 million Jews died “at home” during the Holocaust.

Before Helen Thomas stepped down, Ari Fleischer (former press secretary under George W. Bush) said “She is advocating religious cleansing. How can Hearst stand by her? If a journalist, or a columnist, said the same thing about blacks or Hispanics, they would already have lost their jobs.”  I have to agree with him.

I don’t know how Hearst (where Helen was a newspaper columnist) responded but I do know that the board of correspondents association had met to discuss her contentious remarks and declared them “indefensible.”

Regardless, before anyone could fire or punish Helen, she stepped down and “retired.”  I’m glad she did.  I can’t imagine how she could possibly cover White House news without bias.  I know that Ms. Thomas has issued an apology.  Perhaps she’ll shrink into the distance and hope this episode is soon forgotten. Or perhaps, somehow, some good will come of this and people will recognize not only the need for peace in the Middle East but our responsibility to be educated and unbiased before reaching conclusions about what should happen in Israel.

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