Remembering Hector, My Betta Fish

November 21, 2009 · Filed Under Baum's Blog 

Some of you may remember my betta fish, Hector.  I blogged about him a year ago.  He was a nice fish, and we enjoyed our time together in my office.  This past Thursday, I discovered Hector was no longer alive.

In a tongue and cheek manner, we at Congregation Beth Adam talked about how we would memorialize Hector and give him a proper goodbye.   I was sad, but of course, Hector was just a fish and he lived a long life.  So, I kept things in perspective.

Moments like these, though, are a great example for thinking about how we approach death.  For those with young children, the death of a household fish or other pet can provide great fodder for discussion.  It becomes a safe way for children to experience the death of a loved one and to learn about grief.

Whether we are adults or children, death of those we love is always difficult.  It is important to have support systems in place.  At our online synagogue’s funeral page, we have a pdf file available called “Resources and Reflections: A Practical Guide to Issues Surrounding Death and Mourning.”  It provides information about pre-death arrangements, funeral arrangements, and Jewish mourning rituals.  Also included are great bibliographic references if you are interested in reading more on this topic.

As part of Beth Adam’s liturgy, we also have two books of readings.  “Beyond the Silence” has readings for times of crisis and “Benediction for Life” has memorial readings.

Rabbi Barr and I also talked about death and memorials during our November 6th Shabbat service. You can catch it in our on-demand library by clicking on Shabbat Services and then Shabbat 11/6/09.  During that service we talked about the recent shootings at Fort Hood and extended the conversation into memorials in general.  We are interested in your feedback - would you like more memorial readings during our Shabbat services and/or incorporated into our online synagogue in some other way?

Goodbye Hector, Ol’ Fish.  I’ll miss you.


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3 Responses to “Remembering Hector, My Betta Fish”

  1. diana goldman Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 10:20 pm

    I am responding because I just lost a cousin to brain cancer thursday. In august I lost my grandma.
    My loved ones had been on mi shebeirach lists. My question is: how can we pray for a complete recovery, when these loved ones have no possibility of this?

  2. Rabbi Baum Says:
    November 21st, 2009 at 10:51 pm

    Diana, I am so sorry to hear about your recent losses. I hope you are finding some comfort, even in these difficult times.
    You raise an excellent question about how we can pray for a complete recovery in cases where that will likely not be the outcome. While I think it’s always important to maintain hope, I think it’s also important to be realistic. That means that there are times when we know there will not be a speedy recovery - and we should recognize that and find words for that experience as well.
    At OurJewishCommunity.org we are committed to meaning what we say and saying what we mean. Some of the readings for times of crisis that I mentioned are specifically for cases where there is little chance of recovery.
    Thanks for participating in our community.

  3. diana goldman Says:
    November 23rd, 2009 at 4:17 pm

    Thanks rabbi for responding.
    I have talked with a couple of rabbis about my mi shebeirach question. What I am being told is the prayers are also for the living. Like you say to have hope. But, I think I need something else. I am looking for comfort. So, I guess what I’ve been told is correct. Of course, there are no easy answers that are going to make everything all better.
    When loved ones leave this life, we are left to ponder all these questions and find meaning to life? (I guess).
    Thank you for your time.

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